


Absent hearts, and all that guff

by CirrusGrey



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Introspection, Loneliness, M/M, Short, episode 124 spoilers, that too!, wow i can't believe that's a common tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 16:31:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17604902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CirrusGrey/pseuds/CirrusGrey
Summary: SPOILERS FOR MAG 124!!!Jon contemplates his relationship with Martin.





	Absent hearts, and all that guff

**Author's Note:**

> So... I don't really know what this is. I'm severely overtired at this point, and basically just dumped all my Jon/Martin feels onto the page and called it a story. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"W- well, well, it was... _good_ t- it was good to see you."

"Yeah."

"It..." But Martin is already walking away. "Yeah..."

Jon sighs, and returns to his office. The tape recorder has clicked off, but he barely notices.

Martin is... fine. Busy, and his face has a hollow look to it that speaks of lack of sleep, but he's... fine. Coming and going from the Archives as he wills, not trapped in some horrible empty Lonely world by Lukas. By... Peter.

Jon grimaces. It was never a problem to refer to Elias by his first name, but it bothers him with Lukas. It just doesn't feel... right. None of this feels right.

Half a year has disappeared while he slept, but it feels like just a week ago they were facing the end of the world together. Now...

He doesn't blame Georgie for leaving. She's not as deep into all this as the Archives team is, and as much as he wishes she were here to talk to, he is genuinely glad she was able to walk away.

He knew things were bad with Melanie already. Yes, it's rather shocking how far into her rage she has sunk, but at the same time it's not entirely unexpected.

Basira is still grieving for Daisy. He can't fault her for keeping her distance, especially when his own grief and guilt over Tim - and yes, Daisy as well - keep rising up to choke him.

And if they don't trust him? He had spent months not trusting them, after all. It's only fair, even though it hurts that they think he's a monster. They might not be wrong.

But Martin...

Martin, at least, he had hoped would be happy to see him. Martin was the one he had truly wanted - needed - to talk to, and his absence over the past week has been an aching hole in Jon's chest. Which is... quite frankly ridiculous, considering how much Jon had tried to avoid him, back in the beginning when they were both new to the Archives.

But that's kind of the point, isn't it? Martin has been here since the beginning. He's the only one left who's seen it all, all the way back to Prentiss. And Jon... Jon wants to talk to him. About the Unknowing, and Lukas, and whatever happened with Elias. About Tim. About Sasha, because they still haven't really had a chance, and the world hasn't ended, after all.

And also... about themselves. He knows he's done Martin a disservice, all this time, keeping him at a distance. Taking him for granted. Jon wants to make it up to him, is ready to stop pushing him away. Was ready a while ago, but saving the world took precedence. And various kidnappings.

But Martin's stuck by him throughout it all, and Jon - despite himself - has grown to rely on Martin being there for him, the one constant in a world gone mad.

Even finding out that Martin had feelings for him hadn't been the unpleasant shock he might have expected. Quite the contrary, if he were to be honest with himself. It simply hadn't been something he could deal with at the time, facing down the possibility of his own death, so he had... ignored it. As best he could.

He had thought, perhaps, if he survived the Unknowing and the world didn't end, then, maybe... he hadn't know. He still doesn't know. He just knows that Martin is important, and he had thought (hoped?) that Martin held him in the same esteem.

But now Martin is working with Peter Lukas, and he doesn't have time to talk to Jon. Does he, too, think Jon is a monster? For some reason, that thought hurts more than any of the others. If even Martin has given up on him...

Jon is alone.

He realizes with a start that there are tears sliding down his cheeks, and he hastily wipes them away. When had he gotten so attached to _Martin_ _,_ of all people? And why has he only noticed now Martin is gone?

Well. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that. He only wishes it had worked both ways.

He leaves a scribbled note on Martin's abandoned desk before leaving the Archives for the evening - just three words. It is likely it will never be read - or will be discarded without a second thought once received - but he feels better for it, anyway.

~~~~~

There is a cup of tea waiting on his desk when he enters his office the following morning. It's still warm, and there is a scrap of paper sitting next to it.

_I miss you, too. I'm sorry._

It's not the same as actually seeing Martin, but it brings a lump to Jon's throat nonetheless. Perhaps he is not quite so alone, after all.


End file.
